Remember that time I wrote I was back? Sorry to disappoint. I been just a hot, hot mess.
It is hard to pour your heart out in the internet, it is hard enough to pour it in real life. I have been dealing with a battle between being fine and being not so fine. Everything is happening like a whirlwind and I seem to not get better at all.
I know everything happens for a reason, but adulting and life are both as hard as hard can get. Difficult times mean change. Change is difficult, is scary, makes you question things and the decisions you make based on them are a hell of a rollercoaster ride.
We are only human, we have it difficult in so many different aspects of our lives and still we try to overcome all of it. Some do better at that than others, and some, well some (like me) try to put this mask on that everything is great, but try to deal with all of it internally.
As an update, I travelled to Miami, had a good time with my family, spent time with mom specially after her treatment there and had a nice 2 week vacay time far from the routine and from work.
My work situation has also changed, again, 2 times in less than a year. It is scary. Again. Change.
That is why my whole point of being a hot mess. My mind, my brain, playing me some sort of trick and that I totally know I am capable of doing this, but I am scared and in the back of my mind there is this voice saying "Mmm what if you are no fit for this?" and it is horrible.
I want to rest, to feel not overwhelmed, but I have no other choice but to keep moving forward and waking up every morning ready to conquer those fears and chase better times.
Is there a way not to feel like this? how do people deal with it?
Thank you for being so so patient with me,
I hope soon my posting becomes more regular. Baby steps.
With so much love,